I always thought you were the type of person to keep your word, the person to never give up on something he's passionate about, the person who would hold onto what he calls love. That's what I thought, but I've come to realise the truth.

Truth is, we've had a couple of rough patches these past few weeks and it felt like I was the only one trying to fix it all and keep us together. Two days ago, despite the fact that I've had one crappy week, I was really upset and you were being the biggest dickhead and did not stop. I assumed you would've stopped, because the Talal I knew would've made sure I was okay, he would've comforted me until I felt better, but no, this Talal didn't. He was continously being a dickhead. When I cried he decided to laugh multiple times and made noises.. Like wow. You've really changed or something. Maybe you haven't change, maybe it's your true colours coming out, or maybe you've changed the way you felt about me I don't know. We barely said much on the phone that day. We were probably holding some sort of grudge, I'm not too sure, but I was seriously losing it, cos I couldn't cope with that stupid crap at school, let alone the shit you were putting me through. You acted as if you did not care, as if you didn't love me anymore, you didn't care about how I was feeling at the time, it was all about you. You and keeping yourself amused. I didn't know how to feel about that cos really it showed me alot about how you felt about me... I'm so done hurting, I'm so done feeling like I've put in all the fucking effort and get shit in return.
What really sucks is that you spoke of breaking up the whole night.. You spoke about breaking up like it was something casual. I know you can live without me, I know you can forget about me in a day, I know you're capable of that, and I'm not. So somehow, somewhere, some day I have to keep telling myself that you might not be here anymore, or forever. You gave me the impression from the beginning of the relationship that we were gonna be together forever. You gave me the impression that no matter what you would keep us together and never let me go, but really I was all wrong, I fell into some sort of trap thinking the  day we would end would never come, but it already has once, and it probably will again before I know it. You speak of breaking up, I tell you you bring it up alot and answer with "Hmm yeah" like umm okay? You tell me you know what I want to hear after we spoke of breaking up, but you didn't even say it. It really says alot, it's showed me that you have changed. You've changed so much. You don't even want to be with me, because you don't fucking try.
It's come to the point where you speak of things like that so casually that sometimes when you reassure me that you won't leave me.. Deep down, I feel like you will, one day. It will come. And I have to face that crazy fact that you won't be in my life anymore. It sucks.. knowing that the one person that tells you you'd both be together forever has the power to change it all within a second without you even knowing.

And you know what's worse, thinking that the effort you put in, thinking that all the little things you've put together the past few weeks just to cover up the little cracks all comes down to the words, "I'm starting to lose interest". 

Fucking gone. Everything. Why do I continue to try?! Why is it that when I feel like giving up, a part of me is already continuing to pick up the pieces and continue to make us whole again, but it all comes to that. "I'm starting to lose interest".
A stab in the heart, a shot in the leg and a punch in the face that was. Wow. Thinking that your efforts would change for the better only changed for the worse. It sucks so fucking bad, realising all this. Realising the one person that's told you they's try so hard for you just all of a sudden stops trying. It's not fair. I don't deserve any of this but I'm still trying without even realising the fact that I am. You think it's so easy, so easy to change the way I feel.

Just like the next day, with just a "I love you, I won't ever leave you, I want to be with you", you think it changes everything. Actions speak louder than words, and I'm afraid to say that your actions don't follow with the words you're saying. "I'm starting to lose interest", the idea of breaking up, the fact that you don't care keeps running through me, every second of the day.
I'm not the same person anymore, and so are you. I felt like I've lost everything, like everything's completely slipped out of the palm of my hands.

You tell me you won't leave me, you tell me you love and that you will give me your 100% from now on, and yes, that makes me ecstatic but you know what.. I haven't seen in today, the 100% that you say you'd give me? You were dry to me all day today. You were constantly online talking to others and don't reply to me. I tell you to not give me "ok"'s and yet you continue to. I tell you we're not talking much today and you say there's something wrong with me. I ask if we'd be texting while you were at Jordan's and you tell me not to be clingy. Mainly, what hurts me, is that you don't want me the way you did before. You'd want me to be clingy, you'd always reply to me before anyone else, you'd never say "ok". You would've given me your  "100%" in a much different way to this. I don't know if you've forgotten but this isn't the Talal I fell in love with. I still try to keep you happy, I still try to BE HAPPY, even though every part of me in falling to shreds,  but I guess that's what love does to you. It takes over you. And you'd do anything for that one person, and I am. What kills me is that you don't even seem happy to talk to me, you're there, you're online, but it takes you forever to reply, or you completely go off altogether even after seeing my message. It's a shit feeling tbh, knowing that everything's changed and the one person you thought you wouldn't see change is the one you call your true love.

But I have to get use to it, people change, I have to just stay strong and keep telling myself everything is okay, even though it isn't.